Creepy Elevator Guy, RETURNS!!!

Get on the elevator, and go down. Floor 7, the elevator stops and a girl gets in and I push the elevator door shut. Then the elevator stops at floor 6!! You could smell that creepiness was going to devour your children in just a few seconds. Then the door opens and there he was. That disgusting unibrow, dirty beard of creepiness and my life is forever scared from what he said. “Hey, it’s you again!! Are you just the guy that controls the elevators, is that like your job!” He laughed and stared at the girl, while fear came into our eyes. I went into shock. I responded with a slight smirk and said yea, but all I was thinking was shit he remembers me, from that one time incident. Maybe he thought I was cock blocking him from the two girls and wants to go after my first daughter, just maybe. Then I shut the elevator door shut and we go down. Then the elevator stops at floor 5 me and the other girl groan. He smiles. Girl walks in. The elevator goes down, and we stop again. “Oh my word, are we going to hit every floor”-the floor seven girl moaned. He slides up to her, so that their bodies are touching. “Well, be patient!(cheesy smile kicks in) there is one elevator working. Don’t worrying it will all be over soon” His head leaned into her and started laughing. That laugh, it sounded like a clown humping an log of poop shit poop, while stabbing a rock and enjoying it. I shut the door, and then soon enough, we hit ground level, and the creepy guy moaned and his head went down like your head does when you’re sad. But most people look like that if they lose a love one, not when they are not able to creep no more!! Creep!

This story like my last one is totally 100% True and Did not make any of this up!

Ground Level?

I’m waiting for the elevator. How the elevator works is everytime you pass a floor, the elevator makes a beep sound. In addition, there is a screen that shows what floor you are on etc, like most elevators. So, the Elevator finally opens and as I walk in, this cleaner walks out, and he almost hits me with his vacuum. He’s like “Sorry!! Oh I thought this was ground level” I just thought this was amusing because I am on the 8th floor and there is only one floor above me! Dumb ass

Scratching the Floor, Oh Why Not!

This is a quick one but I am just sitting at my computer, working on my youtube channel at 12am. And then suddenly, the person above me starts scratching the floor, no joke. It went on for like 5 mins, and it sounded like a liger scratching mt everest, it was crazy. I really want to know what that person was on, or if they had little voices inside their head. Either way, it make sense

Power Trip!

At Humber Residence, to get in you have to use your Res-Card to open the main door and that leads into the cafe, elevator, paths to the T and S buildings, etc. Right across from this door is the help desk. There job is to ask for your card, if you are with a bunch of people, because it only makes sense if one person opens it and a bunch of people who didn't walk right on in. However, there is this one dumb ass, who after you open it, yells(no joke) yells at you to show your card to her. And no you don’t go over to her and give it to her and let her confirm that it’s you. However, you just quickly flash it to her, it’s not the worst thing you have to do but it’s just soooo pointless and stupid and seems someone is use their authority for something really pointless

You're the Cream Cheese Theft

At Residence, there are hardly any health choices, and let alone something that will fill you up. For me, I am a health nut and I need as much nutrition as possible, coming from good sources. One thing I do is eat 12 grain bagels, and I never get cream cheese, just use the honey I have in my room. The only time the cafe ladies ask me for it is when I go near the fridge where the cream cheese is. However, since I get the same thing all the time, almost all don’t ask me if I want cream cheese. Besides, the bum that works at night. She watches me go straight to the bagel making device(not near the cream cheese at all, cream cheese is literally beside her) I walk up to her, with my 2 bagels. She asks “Cream Cheese?”. I politely respond “No, not today thank you.” Than, she accuses me and says that I stole cream cheese. I patiently but forcefully stated that I did not. Than she says “I was just testing you”. “What?!” I respond. Grabs my card from my hand and swipes it to purchase it and yells next!!! All I was thinking was, What an asshole.

PEE GEL!!

I had two pet peeves that had to happen to me at the washroom. At this washroom there are three urinals. This moron is using the centre urinal, and there is no one else in the washroom. So, try to use the toilet and of course there is some idiot taking a crap. So, I use the urinal beside the dude because I really got to go. I go to the urinal beside the man, and start peeing. I look up because straight people look up. Of course, he’s gay and looks over and is eyeballing my junk(there was a disturbance in the force). Then he finishes and doesn’t wash his hands but starts combing his hair with his hands. Like what, is your piss gel or something, dumb ass but his hair did stay where he combed it too....weird

1% Milk....

Getting my fruit smoothie made today, and first you ask for the fruit you want. That went fine, but than you ask if you want 1%, 2% or this silk milk. So, I clearly say "Can I have 1% milk?" This is legit, she says "What's that?", literally confused. I point at the 1% milk, and with a face that looked like she just made a new discovery. She grabs the milk and brings it right up to her face and says "ohhOhhhhhh". And that's why you are making me my smoothies

15 seconds, wow, pathetic

Laying down on my bed, reading some stuff. Than, I hear the bed in the other room sqeek. Don’t think anything of it, but than it happens again. Than again, and again, and suddenly I clue in, people are getting it on. Than, of course, you her the moans at the end of the 15 seconds and than suddenly silence. Honestly, all I was thinking was thank god I don’t have to hear the people beside me having sex, but boy is that guy probably embarrassed.

Creepy Guy Wheels in the Elevator

I know I am not the best wheeler, but I totally saw the most pathetic wheeler the other day. I could not make this up! Myself, this blonde girl on my floor(who was holding a lot of bags) and this blonde girl in tight workout clothing, we are all in the elevator. As we were about to head up from the “main floor”, this guy with a unibrown, dirt beard, dirty clothes, smells like shit comes in the elevator. “Hey there” As he smiles at the girl in the workout clothes. Totally got awkward but then we got to her floor. So, as he was about to say something to her again, she basically ran out. But as she ran out, he made it sooo obvious he was checking her out. He looks at the other girl and says “Nicccceeeeee. Oh! don’t drop those bags if you know what I mean” he said it with the cheesiest smile. Then the elevator stopped at his floor, and as he leaves, he totally did the corny catch ya later to her. I started to laugh

Up Yours Residence!!

Get a email from residence, saying go to the Financial Department and get your OSAP. So, I do what the email stated, just bring myself(key word just myself) and go to the financial department. I go to the desk lady and was told her I was picking up my OSAP. She tells me to go sit down and wait. Stating it will only be 15 mins. She totally skipped her estimating time lesson of life because I’ve never waited there less then 30 mins. Sadly, this time I had to wait 45 mins and then I finally get in. When I sit down and tell this depressed man that I am here to pick up my OSAP. I basically get told that I am an idiot for bother ing him and I should of went to the B Building to pick it up. I asked him, do I need anything to pick it up, he says no and go on my way. So, I finally go to the correct spot to pick my OSAP, and I go in there and tell them I am here for my OSAP. Then the guy asks me for my SIN Card. WHAT!! I start thinking, neither the Residence email or depressed worker stated I needed that!!. Than I get laughed(no joke) at by that worker and I leave...what a bunch of assholes.

Get Upset Easily

Went on the elevator today, and a guy comes on with his French fries and pushes the 3rd floor button(totally hate that, walk up the fricken stairs lazy ass). And than, turns around and with the biggest smile on his face “Do you know Anthony?!?!”. I look at him and told him no. I didn’t do it in the most polite way. However, he looked sooo sad and as the elevator stopped at his floor, the door opens and he sadly walks out “well...he lives on your flo---or...”. Wow, you get sad easily.

Push the Button, Makes the Elevator Go Up! WOW!

After my class, I did my usual routine went back to residence and to the elevators. And there was a girl(little on the big side) eating some weird looking food. Since she is waiting there, I wait there assuming she pushed the button because she is standing right in front of the button. However, I look at the screen above the elevator and it states that its at the ground level. Look at the doors and they are closed. Then, I look at the button and hasn’t been pressed, so I walk up and pressed it. The door opens and the girl waiting is shocked/amazed. I found it funny how dumb she is but sad because I go to the same school as her.

Am I in Heaven???

I went to the washroom for my class intermission. As I come back, I hear two students debating in my class, a guy and a girl(girl was soooo hot!). Girl in class is going on about football statistics and arguing with some guy that Tom Brady(Huge Patriots fan) is a better QB than Peyton Manning and using statistics and facts. All I was thinking "Am I in Heaven?" Oh wait, I am at Humber, nevermind.

How did these people get hired?

Had to go and talk to the online people about my course today. So, I get sent to one place and they were basically like "who ever sent you is an idiot and go here". So, I go there and those people were like "they're idiots and you have to go back there". After that, I'm like you're both morons and gave up. I really want to meet the person that hires these dummies, and smack him

Don't Wave at Your Friend!!

Walking in the Hall, This Guy Waves at this Person. However, this random girl walking down the hall, thinks this guy that is waving, is waving at her. She marches towards him. “Why are you waving at me?” she yells. “I wasn’t, I was waving at my frie--”, “Why the F**** were you waving at me?!?!” she screams as she interrupts him. I walked away quickly before fists went flying, guy looked like he pissed his pants. So, the moral of the story is, do not wave your friends or a b*** with cut your balls off :)

This Blog is Dedicated to my Experience at Humber

Hello Reader!

I am Jonathan, and I go to Humber College in Etobicoke Ontario. I will never say Toronto because, I am literally in a shit hole and do not want to degrade T.O, because saying T.O is fun :D The reason I am making this blog, is for you, yes you, the person reading this right now!! Allowing you to have a laugh, in my retarded, funny world of college. I am not bashing the college or anything, well yes the employees and students but that's not the point. Obviously, Humber has awesome people in there because I am here. So, this is my experience and hope you enjoy!!